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Sunday, June 26, 2005

Double Battery Single Power: The Blurry Reality of my Life

I am almost as blind as a bat in daylight. Without my glasses or contact lenses , the whole world is just blurry blurry dim. If I were to be stranded on an island, my glasses would be the only life support I would need. Inspite of that, I hate them with every bone in my body. I have worn glasses for as long as I can recollect. I started going down 'fuzzyland' around 7th class, when at school I found myself doing all kinds of visual acrobatics as I struggled to jot down from the blackboard. But I did'nt realise I might be going myopic... not even when I very confidently read out random crap from the blackboard while the teacher stared at me nonplussed, and the entire class was in splits. Things only got worse from then on. I winked, squinted and went cross eyed trying to read and go about my life . Catching the right bus home without landing up on the other side of town had become a daily grind. Eventually I gave up and told my parents, who predictably and immediately went into denial. They thought I was faking it, their reasoning being, because neither of them wore glasses, it was genetically impossible for me to be afflicted with myopia ...fact that they never read, or watched TV as much as I did, did'nt seem to be much of a contributing factor. Oh they had tons of similar very questionable illusions in life including the "you are not overweight at all..you simply look like you are from a nice khaate peete ghar ki" Meanwhile, my mom started hyperventilating when she had visions of me ending up as 60 yr old spectacled spinster. And then my doctor went into shock, when he checked my eyes and saw that I was actually going to school and functioning just ok without glasses (if only he knew !! ). My myopia started off with a -2, and I was told if I wore them reguarly I would'nt need them one day(I am still waiting for that day !).

And thus I entered the visually handicapped category for life . As much I was relieved that I could see and read clearly again (so ecstatic I read everything from billboards, shopsigns, license plates ...sab kuch ), I never liked the glasses, or how I looked with them. So any comment as casual as 'Hey, you look different with those glasses' used to open up my floodgates. No amount of but-you-look-nice-with-them would stop my bawling. I had begun to think the glasses had transformed my whole pschyche into behanji mode and I was never going to be the cool chick who wore sunglasses or flirtingly flutterred her eyelashes at guys (oh my priorities in life at 12 !!) . I was stuck pushing the specs up my nose, wiping the rainwater off them or steaming them up while cooking....for ever.

One day I was cycling back home from school. At an intersection I had to cross the road and as usual I looked back and put out my right hand to signal. As I was about to cross, out of nowhere two guys on a bike landed up right behind me and started yelling "Eh double battery single power, dikhta nahi hein kya ??" More than the shock of a possible collision (which was btw entirely their fault , whizzing past like that at an intersection), I was furious for being called that. So angry that almost for a month after that I used to curse that they and their whole khandaan would wear 'soda glasses' for the rest of their lives...you know those hideously thick glasses that made the person look like a Martian with eyes the size of golf balls.

And so "Dhapne","Chashmish" , "Double battery single power" were terms of endearment I had to make peace with. As much as I hated my glasses, I figured it was better to look like a nerd/martian than to make a complete fool of myself like a friend once did. We were out on a walk one night after dinner when she exclaimed what a beautiful full moon it was. The rest of all looked all around to see the moon, only to realise this chashmish, who would'nt be caught dead wearing her glasses, was in fact gushing over a white halogen street lamp !!

Eventually, I changed to contact lenses and things were not so bad anymore. Except, once you decide to go glass-free, contact lens wearers sign up for a whole new set of issues. The everyday morning fight to get them in, the silent prayers that you don't get caught in a duststorm or a stray eyelash decides to commit suicide by jumping into your eyes and make you go ballistic in between a lecture, or a meeting.

But now atleast I can strut around in sunglasses :-D ...ah , the small pleasures of life

7 Comments:

At 2:22 PM, Blogger Parth said...

LOL. I haven't heard the 'double battery single power' phrase in a long time :-) I have had specs since 9th standard and can identify with you. In my case, people think I look 'scholarly' and 'studious' because of my specs. Only I know how far that is from the truth.

 
At 2:27 PM, Blogger Sanyu J said...

Suds,
Simply hilarious! - Your writing not the visual handicap :)
But i think I liked wearing my glasses and would have continue to wear them still if I had'nt managed to break all 4 pairs I had with me here :(

 
At 2:42 AM, Blogger Sujith said...

:-)) nice writing!

 
At 9:57 AM, Blogger SM said...

Thanks guys :-)

 
At 2:24 PM, Blogger Pradeep said...

so wat kinda frame wud u like to have as a gift :)

 
At 12:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hahaha!!...can totally relate...had been to the eye clinic today and the doctor added some dilating drops to my eyes following which I completely lost my near vision for 2 hours..ordered the wrong thing at china star..wanted to try something different and as usual the lady there didnt understand me :(. Really a great read.

 
At 8:21 PM, Blogger SM said...

honestly arvin ...i have no idea !!! it was one of those mumbaiyya slang phrases i heard all my life. i think it means something to the effect that one needs glasses (double battery)to correct their power.

 

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